Mr. Coffee

Angie and Steve are the first couple in my circle who have had a triumphant explosion from dates to engagement through Coffee Meets Bagel. While I celebrate their new chapter, I still wouldn’t advise online dating as an immediate tool to meet people.

Perhaps I consider my methods archaic but perhaps I value the function and spirit behind meeting people on the basis of already being friends, being set up, or personally asking to meet to be a tad bit more human than using apps to cleverly connect the social “Let’s Meet” world.

I do think that excuses often pervade the privilege of preference- work is time away from finding a partner for most people, but in the same way that too much work can be unhealthy, so is not leaving enough time to venture into public places to spark intentions for meetups and dating. But I think there is a deeper pond to reflect in- the water is murkier and more vulnerable to look into when social outcomes are independent of the filters, photos, and a carefully worded bio. I’m a proponent to uncover the vulnerability rather than letting filters determine how comfortable that first meeting can be.

I do have to wrestle in my own debate as well. How big of a factor is age? I just hit 26 and I don’t need to meet a toasty, wheat bagel right now- but if I were 35, would I cry more desperately and hope that I’d be Mr. Coffee? Baristas do recommend that fresh coffee sit for a few minutes before consumption- I think that before I hit life’s 30 year mark, I’d like to be ready, but if I sit cold thereafter, would singleness lead me to fear loneliness?

Every journey needs a starting point, but online dating makes the destination seem more important than how we start. It’s the spiritual DQ in our 40 yard date-dash; we run before we cross the starting line. I’m not trying to mute every Christian from online dating, but the basis of anxiety or fear aren’t great starting points to justify algorithms to do the match making for us. And I’m still not sold that it’s JUST a matter of preference. The young adult story revolves around success or failure and stepping out of our comfort zones usually isn’t the path we want to tread, but it’s something that should become a more trusting and prayerful practice than simply thinking an app can do the hard work for us. I never really liked bagels anyways- I do want a donut right now DOE.

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