My ways are tainted. My lips spoke good but it becomes the same source of what speaks bad. I can be a better listener. Good listeners find joy in wisdom; great listeners apply wisdom. Either I’m doing good or I’m doing bad. I’m not crazy; I’m bad.

I scroll through the database of lust and find that I can do research- it feels good but I’m doing bad. I scroll through articles on CNN – I pray for justice; yet I scroll through my own injustice. Along this route, I will die – starving for attention and glory – starving to meet my wants and be foolish to let go of my needs. I have no option when I tune out of His spirit – I will die.

“There is only one joy that will consume like a fire in our lives” – PSAM. I need to forgo the joy that I think is good and actually consume the joy that my flesh knows is bad. I need Jesus.

I am not a Christian-slave in Rome; I am not kidnapped and plastered with bullets by ISIS because of my faith; I am not the beheading of Kim Jong Un’s evil plans; yet even in my privileges the joy of the Lord is still so shallow in my journey – I lust in cycles and breathe His spirit in cycles. It’s the cigarette smoke to my lungs- if I don’t quit now, my spirit will blacken and at a certain point, I will fade into the second-hand of a deadly kingdom. Satan wants to me to be faithful to these cycles.

I’m not crazy; I need Jesus- not in cycles but in the constant during the busy and the slow, in the eventful and mundane, and in my worship and silence before the Lord.


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