Jesus, whatever and however you want me – I give my all to you. I am unfiltered.

Do I not learn? I am drinking unfiltered water- it is not quenching my thirst but actually depleting me from good health- I am attacking my own blessings and stirring controversy by being a hypocrite. I generalize women into the top models that I lust over – I am not praying in support of Emma Watson’s speech at the UN today; instead I am preying for the gorgeous into the gorge of my selfishness and my fantasy.

I stare too longly at the couple sitting across the room- they fit well into the mold of magazines and entertain themselves with ritz laughter. I dream too much without applying repentance- I repent for idolizing beautiful babies – I wish they were my own- I creep into the vanities of today and seek the drug of wonder for tomorrow- am I really living as a disciple? I hear messages but I flash into flesh – my prayers are a jolt of confidence and temporary surrender – I act sporadically from listening to Bethel radio to the desires of my eventual death.

Jesus, I need you. I am wounding from my own stabbings. I’ve poked so many holes at it- yet, the trickling blood is channeled towards you. Lust is not life and it is not the means to which I receive grace – it is the antagonist in this play- I become a tragedy when I inject myself with poison- Jesus’s blood was not of the same color- His was pure.

Lord, whatever and however you want me – I give my all to you. I am filtered.

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