Postcard #6: I Remain at the Dock

The last ship has sailed. I won’t swim after it, but I’m at the dock wondering what would have happened if I boarded. In Viking history, “longships were intended for warfare and exploration, designed for speed and agility”- one that I boarded coming to NY but my spiritual map is wondering if I should’ve taken a different route or perhaps have boarded a later ship. The last ship was marked ‘Q’. To quest or to question, I chose the latter; my hesitation became the captains’ choice to leave me at bay; if I had left my questions in my pocket, the quest was mine- no turning back; I would have signed and sealed the mission of my last two months – to sign with an agency in NY.

I remain at the dock.

‘I’m sittin’ on the dock of the bay
Watching the tide roll away’

My heart was unsettled and peace was an empty wave on Tuesday.  Is it my selfishness? Or did I do justice to listen to my soul? I don’t know and I won’t know. Ships marked ‘Q’ don’t usually travel with ships marked with ‘A’. I may feel fatigued without an answer, but His strength will overcome.

My march has had its madness – my bracket is a bust- I have no more agencies to approach; I competed against the higher seeds but lost- the tournament isn’t the place to practice; I think I’ll have to do that overseas before taking another shot in NY.

Lord, the waters are blue and the coast is clear. I don’t see anymore ships. I don’t necessarily have the courage to say that you’ll provide with more when I don’t know if I let go of an awesome opportunity when its tide rolled in- I let its ship sail and I remain at the dock. I’ve crouched my eyes in a pair of binoculars for two months; perhaps it’s a new season to watch the horizon and gently wait as I dangle my feet with expectation- I feel closer to this truth now than ever before: I am your child on Earth as I am in Heaven.

sitting_dock_ocean

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