On the 11th, my mom became an orphan but news came on the 13th – her mother had died of old age. More than the way she passed away, my mom grieved with an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt – unable to see each other for the past 23 years, my mom felt inadequate to even contact her more frequently over the years.
In this inadequacy, she has read this script and her life has filmed it – she doesn’t feel successful, so why should others listen to her? My dad produces his own film about this script as well- as the eldest brother among 7 siblings, he isn’t rich and can barely give before he receives. Who wants to listen to his story? And so goes with my script- I will only be heard if I am successful. It’s just formatted differently but the message is the same; yet, before I can fully produce and film this hurt, He stops the project.
I continue to attend castings and auditions; I continue to freelance once or twice a month. With the spawn of a busy season for commercials and student film developments, I’m excited. As I enhance my craft and wage war against my flabby abs, it is a relentless pursuit- to be set free from the temporary and be permanent in the eternal. From orphan to son or daughter and from ambition to substance, I’ve been in a constant wrestle; I choose the latter. My heart is unsettled to model for the ‘here and now’; I am more than a freelancer of projects seen or unseen; I am the build of holy love and construct of Heaven on Earth.
Love cannot be freelanced- it is always employed in the hands of those who never want to be unemployed. It is a project that God does not stop, but from beginning to end a project complete and funded by His blood. Eternity does not need more freelancers- those who give love at self-opportunistic times (selfies) or during life’s feel-good moments; it needs more disciples who are partnering with Him instead of forcing Him to partner with us; Lord, I partner with you.