“What do you do?” With a slight pause I reply, “I model.” “How is it?” I give in saying, “It’s cool, but inconsistent”.
The bulk of my ‘kick-starter’ conversations in the past two months have followed the template above. And while most seem to think it’s a fascinating topic of conversation, I hark on the truth of the industry- “I just don’t know”.
But thank God there are the “I know’s” etched in my heart; I know that God is good; I know that all the time.
If I don’t get another gig this month, I’d belly the parallel amount of an unemployment check, $800. Even more so, an unemployment check meets his or her date on time- do they kiss? Possibly. I’m still waiting on last months payments to come through- I will kiss them when they come. Hence, the short fuse of my finances was one reason to stop attending the Baron & Brown studio (Want to hear another short fuse? I spent the latter part of 4th of July watching three helicopters hovering over the Simi Valley region- these fireworks made horizontal impact with the crowd instead of wooing us from above.) Do I want to continue acting? Heaven yeah, but I do apologize to my classmates and teachers; it misfired this season.
As my time walks towards the end of this week’s platform, I hope it’ll stop and pose fabulously- I’m still on edge about going to New York in August; I need divine discernment- will I stalk opportunities or will opportunities stalk me? I pray that the Lord will plant the latter – but when the Lord plants, He expects me to trust His timing; Lord, I trust in you.
I stopped my car in the middle of an empty intersection near Beverly Hills today- I mailed my resignation for the health insurance that I desperately sought after two months prior- I thought the bump on my injured nose was permanent – now I can hardly notice the difference. I also take a practical proverb to heart- avoid debt! I ain’t got no money for surgery; law school, I think about you in the same way, but that’s a discussion we will have at a later time.
So I write- I tried to avoid the vulnerability of writing these past two months because I thought I had nothing to show & tell, but the truth is that the Lord shows and tells me that He is with me; I take compliments and wash them before eating them- the fruit of yesterday’s let’s-use-Sejin-as-an-example during Thomas’s sermon is my note: I don’t want my life to be successful; I want my life to be substantial.