Dangling

I was really trying to wait to write my next post until I had grand news about my first booked gig, magazine editorial spread, or a national campaign-print or commercial. If I waited that long, I think this blog would long expire or I’d receive a kind WordPress email asking me if I’m still alive. I’ve been developing some thick skin within the past month- auditions are opportunistic, callbacks create hope, getting put on veil tickles my outlook- I’ve yet to book my first gig. My agent told me a ratio of 10 auditions to 3 callbacks is a plan for success- although I’ve exceeded those margins with 6 auditions to 3 callbacks- I’ve yet to book my first gig. In addition, the runway platform in LA does not look appealing or I feel likes its roots are much weaker than the possibilities in NY. So what I thought was a dig to mound the resources needed to support acting classes, I now figure that it might take a lot longer to enroll in my first class- I want to take improv!

And improv has been my schedule for the past two months- without a real qualifying job or the steadiness of income, I wait for the flower to blossom and the fruits to grow. I’ve been getting in better shape- I’ve found a new home at YMCA- who knew that the excitement of free towels could draw someone in so closely? Having been an avid campaigner for playground workouts, I’m not too sure if $37/month membership is adding fuel to the fire. On Mondays, I’ve been attending an 8 week session, 4 hours each teaching fine dining as an introductory class. My palette for beer is rich, but in two weeks I’ll be diving into the unknown red and whites of wine. Why take this class? I’m hoping it’d be the jump start to the stereotypical aspiring actor- wait tables at night and wake up for auditions during the day. Why choose to live like this? Well, I’m still currently applying for law school. Jesus, help me!

So I feel like a pair of unkempt shoes with its shoelaces as the arc of support on a telephone wire. Am I dangling my hopes too high? 2761551809_ee1c27f6f4

Lord,

I’m extremely thankful. I really am. While sitting at auditions, I wonder how my peers handle the pressure of unexpectancy- each of us trying to hold on to the rope with our own frail strength- some of us look down afraid of the heights, but some of us look up to see how we can position ourselves better from falling. I’m in the latter group- but perhaps I position myself differently than others. I position myself knowing that I will be caught when I fall- God do you really want me to stretch out my hand for another brother or sister from falling? I pray that this would be the paradigm heart, mind, and soul as I wait among the plenty who have come for the same purpose as I- to book the gig; Lord, I pray against the temptations of lust, anger and self-righteousness- that my maturity would be based on sole dependence on you- I don’t want to devour others to fill a void in my life- would you be the everlasting fill that I need and a renewing fill in the moments of satanic pressure for the temporary- may my works be eternal in your eyes. I don’t want to be dangling on you, but centered in you.

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One thought on “Dangling

  1. Very insightful post, have you tried SMC’s theatre program? Very good and the people there can help with connections. Good luck!

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