I have stepped into my 23rd year excited and consumed by the fragrance of His offering. To highlight the end of my 22nd year I’ll recognize a few things: LA Model’s runway division decided to shrink their men’s board in light of their clients’ decreasing budgets- runway favors girls a lot more. In addition, I thought I lost an element of opportunity when a clothing company from Seattle decided not to use me for a month long print booking which would have amounted to $10K – 15K and the freedom to travel within its coffe-inspired borders throughout February.
However, all along, God was watching my back:
I booked a pop star role within a Phoenix music video; who knew that would spark so much interest in my niche of friends? When I think of Phoenix, the first word that pops up into my mind is “Suns”. The casting director working for this video asked me if she could put my name into Levi’s. Inspected by the Levi’s committee, I will soon have a fitting with them. In addition, I just received news that I have been booked for a McDonald’s commercial- Spicy McChicken sandwich, I will love you forever. With provision and favor, I echo the words of my Armenian friend from YMCA- “It’s a God-given miracle in itself to get any audition in this industry”. My experience in the past few months confirm this truth; it’s only by His grace that I remain protected and caste from darkness into the light.
I’m approaching two years dry of a standard lecture and barren of studying for school. In the midst of new found blessings, I pocket another relief: UC Irvine Law didn’t reject me! From a LSAT score of 143 to 157, they’ve decided to waitlist me this time around. UC Irvine is my top choice among the list of Pepperdine and UC Hastings that I will consider this March-deadline applications. The dilemma remains and the quest for the answer burns- what should I do? I introspectively want what’s best for me and for my parents; my parents sing law school into my ears while I have found peace entering an unknown industry connecting with lost people. And when my parents see the McDonald’s commercial, I’m not sure if they’ll end up singing, “I’m lovin’ It”.
I’m lovin’ it. I thank you that I am not wait listed from your plans nor wait listed from your mighty love. Law school seems like a good option for me; I’ve always love to learn and you know this because I always excite to learn more about you. May my thoughts about law-school not transform into a pretentious pun- that my love for you is not a law more than it is my genuine affection to seek my Maker. While, law school remains at a pause, I continue to thank you that in an industry swarmed for bare acknowledgment and the trampling of a God-given image for plastic photo shop, modeling and acting can be an avenue for me to see your true beauty.
I was really trying to wait to write my next post until I had grand news about my first booked gig, magazine editorial spread, or a national campaign-print or commercial. If I waited that long, I think this blog would long expire or I’d receive a kind WordPress email asking me if I’m still alive. I’ve been developing some thick skin within the past month- auditions are opportunistic, callbacks create hope, getting put on veil tickles my outlook- I’ve yet to book my first gig. My agent told me a ratio of 10 auditions to 3 callbacks is a plan for success- although I’ve exceeded those margins with 6 auditions to 3 callbacks- I’ve yet to book my first gig. In addition, the runway platform in LA does not look appealing or I feel likes its roots are much weaker than the possibilities in NY. So what I thought was a dig to mound the resources needed to support acting classes, I now figure that it might take a lot longer to enroll in my first class- I want to take improv!
And improv has been my schedule for the past two months- without a real qualifying job or the steadiness of income, I wait for the flower to blossom and the fruits to grow. I’ve been getting in better shape- I’ve found a new home at YMCA- who knew that the excitement of free towels could draw someone in so closely? Having been an avid campaigner for playground workouts, I’m not too sure if $37/month membership is adding fuel to the fire. On Mondays, I’ve been attending an 8 week session, 4 hours each teaching fine dining as an introductory class. My palette for beer is rich, but in two weeks I’ll be diving into the unknown red and whites of wine. Why take this class? I’m hoping it’d be the jump start to the stereotypical aspiring actor- wait tables at night and wake up for auditions during the day. Why choose to live like this? Well, I’m still currently applying for law school. Jesus, help me!
So I feel like a pair of unkempt shoes with its shoelaces as the arc of support on a telephone wire. Am I dangling my hopes too high?
I’m extremely thankful. I really am. While sitting at auditions, I wonder how my peers handle the pressure of unexpectancy- each of us trying to hold on to the rope with our own frail strength- some of us look down afraid of the heights, but some of us look up to see how we can position ourselves better from falling. I’m in the latter group- but perhaps I position myself differently than others. I position myself knowing that I will be caught when I fall- God do you really want me to stretch out my hand for another brother or sister from falling? I pray that this would be the paradigm heart, mind, and soul as I wait among the plenty who have come for the same purpose as I- to book the gig; Lord, I pray against the temptations of lust, anger and self-righteousness- that my maturity would be based on sole dependence on you- I don’t want to devour others to fill a void in my life- would you be the everlasting fill that I need and a renewing fill in the moments of satanic pressure for the temporary- may my works be eternal in your eyes. I don’t want to be dangling on you, but centered in you.