My Alarm Clock

This is my 100th post.

Since the start of April 2010, I’ve fragmented bits and pieces of my life and thoughts into a collection of words that have revived clarity and comfort in my unashamed confidence in Christ. I’d like to expound more of my soul on the birth of this post.

Every alarm clock shares a story. It’s usually placed within our most private boundaries of space and growth- our bedrooms. The sound of morning often startles us and laughs at our hideous appearance of drool and drought.  Each story starts by our rolling of eyes, whining, or stretching out our body to relieve nervous tension. Yet, my days of saying, “I’m not a morning person” is now woven with my appreciation for the AM. These days my alarm clock wakes me up to a divine appointment to sit with the Lord and be enveloped in His presence through a practice that my pastor calls “Holy Imagination”. It has worked out well- casting out evil is manageable with His grace and loving others is at the forefront of my agenda. In and through these divine appointments, He arranges for me favor that has led to new opportunity.

To start chronologically, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I signed a non-exclusive agreement with NTA Talent Agency to become an addition to their commercial and print divisions; that same day, I failed my 18 question written test at the DMV, only to have barely succeeded the avalanche of a 36 question test the next day. With my permit in hand, and finally a legal excuse to operate a motor vehicle, I spent Thanksgiving overwhelmed with they joy of food, family and friends knowing that God has provided and He will provide in the future.

To the start of this week, I show up at L.A Models to envision “Runway” as my way of walking with Him. With respect to His providence, I shook hands with agents from the Runway board with the confirmation that I will be officially signing papers at the beginning of December. And while my film and t.v career hasn’t exactly lifted off, I will be able to shake hands once more.

And so it is with the alarm that goes off inside of me- that the Holy Spirit can startle the evil away and instead I can grasp onto what I know to be true and forgiving- God’s mercy is upon me. While the option of vibrating my alarm is tempting, it is the dangerous invitation for the devil to close off Holy Imagination and replace it with Imagination. Lord, would your voice ring loud and clear- that just like Abraham, I’d be able to go to up to Mount Moriah and surrender my idols to death. Be my alarm clock. 




Can I check your ID?

For the past 21 years, I have not had one ID specifying that I was Korean-American. While I did have my name printed in my Korean passport, it was not a form of ID I wanted to carry into restaurants or other public establishments. Now, instead of reaching for my pocket, I can reach into my wallet to show the waitress that I am eligible to drink a Guinness Draft. 

Ordering a beer right now would be an appropriate celebration for this moment. My dad’s smile said it all. Beforehand, I would often respond, “No dad, it’s not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for something that happened 21 years ago. What’s done is done. Have faith that things will work out.” Dad, now look at me. I actually belong in the United States of America! No, I’m still not a citizen or a permanent resident, but I do belong here.

I belong because I know what it feels like to be displaced. In this season at church, we’ve been focusing on God’s agenda to breed family within a place called home. Before April 2010, I was a lost soul trying to run away from displacement. But the further I ran, I realized I was still displaced, but just in a different setting. Running away may mean that zip codes change, but that person’s orphaned spirit remains. From Korea town to Beverly Hills to Northridge, I tried finding a new sense of identity in these new locations, but my brokenness followed my tracks. It was then that God located me with God’s Perfect Sacrifice (GPS); he honed in on me; He wanted me to come back home; from that point forward, He seated me in heavenly places.

Therefore, my true joy is found through this double entendre: I belong. I will be in this country temporarily, but with Christ through eternity.