I don’t think I’ve been in a more nerve wrecking situation. So, the last blog post I wrote became my project to memorize and present as a monologue before Michael Forman, a talent manager in Beverly Hills. From now on, I write with that purpose- what is monologue worthy? Just kidding, my intermediate collection of blog posts won’t interfere with my novice attempt to offer a rendition of my revelation with God.
He cleared his throat- that sound dissipated my next line and created a massive black hole into the areas of my script that were my strengths; I blanked out completely! I regained my focus after repeating my last line a few times hoping to get the ball rolling once more. As I briefly continued, there came a penetrating knock on his door! I couldn’t believe myself. As to make things so much harder; how was I supposed to ignore that this knock was to gain Michael’s attention? “One minute!”, he declared as I then poured out my last ounces of poise to undo the poison of nervousness and mistakes. I finished on a good note- at least the response I got was reassuring that I wasn’t so bad my first time around. Giving me contacts as referrals for photographers, acting classes, and an upcoming symposium, he told me to contact him once I started building a portfolio.
I walked out with sweat outlined in between the crevices of my naked chest. It seeped through my dress shirt, understandably so. Don’t remind me of my armpits. I needed to take a breather. Taking an exit out of the building, I replenished in the warm sun. Drying quickly, I felt relieved knowing that I had just endured a truly foreign moment; I thought, “Maybe I can really pursue this art” as I walked past my doubts towards the bus stop.
Even as I reflect right now, I’m glad that my source of confidence is greater than the spokes of personal experience, hardship, and growth that turn to accelerate the rotation of my tires; while it may be tiring to live this way, I’m gratified that I can take my spokes of life and lay it at His feet. Lord, do with me as you will- may these spokes be your way of speaking to me- that you understand my heart and want to provide new pedals on this broken fixture; You have spoken to me once, but would you speak to me once more. Regardless of any of my pursuits, if I don’t pursue you, this monologue of my life with deafen in your ears. Therefore, I come to you acting out a sincere monologue- one that is scripted from your own words and brought to me by your own hands. I’ll be ready for the audition.