The topic of limitations can be spoken from so many different angles, that there very well seems to be an unlimited source of perspectives; yet I’ll respectively try to cover a few that have been resonating with me.
- There is a constant cycle of 6+ BILLION people who experience a new age- or as more easily recognized: birthdays. Yet from these 6+ BILLION, I truly do celebrate perhaps only 50 people as they come into another season of their lives.
- I share the confines of a cell with my mother. Black trash bags drape my windows and nail holes make these walls seem like target practice. My dad lives next door in a setting that justifiably is worse than my place- he has no bed.
- I’ve been curling manly weights lately; ‘eh’, it’s just 25 pound dumbbells. Although I may be stronger than the average Joe, it still has not been easy when I’ve helped my dad carry furniture at his work.
- I can easily pinpoint most of my parents’ flaws- it’s a bucket list of what not to do; I can easily stare down a homeless person on the street and say to him, “I’m sorry, I don’t have change”. When my eyes gaze upon a 12 x 24 billboard of a seductive woman my first instincts may not be sincere love, but innate lust.
You know every folly of my heart, and yet you are slow to anger. So, while I am limited to love, comfort, and strengthen you are unlimited in all of the above. Before, my heart is enticed by a woman’s fragrance, may your fragrance be my reward- that all my senses would be aligned with you and every ounce of my limited devotion would be for you. While I find myself being Christ-like to those that I choose, may you increase my capacity to love and be loved by you. I am only so present in my youth kids’ lives- that while video chat is the realm of contact with my kids on the weekdays, you see your children through an unlimited array of angles and mediums. You use all of you to reach your children- you want me to be in your unlimited presence, comfort, strength, and love. While I fall and get back up, you fervently broke through the world’s shackles of humiliation, shame, and disgust and you currently have no intention of leaving your throne. You play no role of “The Dictator”, but of “The Savior”- a plot and movie based on the script of your presence, comfort, strength, love and many more roles that I have yet to uncover in this post. Thank you for being “The Constant Gardener” in my life- one that is not limited through space, matter, and time, but unlimited throughout the course of life.
“What am I doing with my life?” is an age old question that surfaces at least once in everyone’s lives. For some, it entraps them in the forces of depression and discouragement; for others, it enlivens the possibility of life- that the teamwork of joy and purpose would set them apart. Hence, this question is the check-up and examination of who we are ; it’s a moment to wade into quiet waters from our turbulent settings.
However, recently, I’ve framed my perspective to ask a different question: “What is God doing in my life?”. I’ve been learning that I am the ark of the covenant- measured and bound by His love and reinforced through my testimony- that I have been placed at the Mercy Seat. At this seat, I imperatively declare that God is doing awesome things in my life. It’s my praise and affection for Him- while it’s hard to justify that I am changing the world or creating a plateau for myself, my thoughts are more imminently pressed for His kingdom: “God is awesome”.
Isn’t is silly for me to ask the question, “What am I doing with my life?” I mean, you never asked this question while you were on Earth. I’d be perplexed to think that our Savior would be lost- that the circumference of His thoughts were in wilderness. But your thoughts were holy- while you were tempted to ask this question, you turned to the devil and asked, “Don’t you know what God is doing in my life?” Rhetorically, it’s an answer that gave us new life. Brothers and sisters, we need to count our blessings. While the scope and depths of our blessings are indescribable, I pray that our lives may reflect the simple truth: “God is awesome in my life”.
I had a cluster of interviews last week, each adding on to the excitement of starting a “career”. 40 hours, salary, experience all seem purposeful and necessary, and while law school remains a close second, I pray that He would uncover answers along the way.
But back to interviews. Aren’t they sometimes the most pressure wrenching, sweat dripping, and heart beating experience of our lives? As I took the hot seat last Tuesday, I calmed myself with Messiah meditation and LimRuger water. This law firm encompassed the entire 28th floor of a hulk-like building in Downtown LA. To cut the story short, Mr. Lim’s response was so kind and rewarding- his compliments seemed “worth” all the hard work in spite of a plastic spoon-like upbringing- without many resources I’ve made the most of it.
If Mr. Lim’s response was as sincere and supportive as anyone I’ve ever met, how much more are you willing to listen to me? You have never been my interviewer and I your interviewee. You already know me, and even if you see my suit, you want to see my heart. We don’t shake hands. We hug each other. You don’t ask for my résumé; I look at yours in the Bible. I don’t come to you each day approaching the hot seat- I come to you on the mercy seat. You’ve opened your throne for your children- it’s become our playground- we have so much fun in your presence. Not all answers are responses because some answers don’t respond to our needs, but that meeting was definitely encouraging. I’m not surprised that you scheduled that meeting in your calendar- you were watching and listening. May your responses never be the fulfillment of merely my emotions or feelings- may they strictly be from our relationship- that our closeness would garner more love for each other- that through your presents and presence, I’d reflect with admiration and thanksgiving. Thank you.