I recall a revelation.
Verb: Break, Love, Heal
There is an art to cracking a walnut. It isn’t to take one and place it beneath the goliath of a car’s tire; on the other hand, one wouldn’t take it and slap it around with her palm, even a fist won’t do (Ouch!). I’ve eaten perfect halves of a walnut before; there’s such structure, and it’s as pleasing as peeling a tangerine skin without breaking its entire link. A walnut’s shell is hard and durable, but meant for breaking because there is fruit inside its body.
You’ve tested my heart with different obstacles and challenges- each that poured its own weight to breaking my heart. Jesus, this isn’t a complaint, but a simple reminder that you have a purpose for my sinful heart. Oh, I’m sure you weep over a heart that is blind because it’s not able to see your wonders and majesty- it’s not able to see your Goodness. I was once a walled- nut; my sinful heart was hard and calloused, but meant for breaking because there is fruit inside my body. You want others to seek the harvest-fruitful testimonies that can be used to influence the lost. Inside the hard shell of a stubborn heart lies the true vessel of light that can shine forth; we need to celebrate for the breaking of our hearts! Mourning comes from its breaking, but joy comes from its healing. Only you know how to break our hearts- it’s not through the great expanse of your wrath and anger, but it’s through your grace and mercy. You haven’t destroyed us; we’re not debris, but we still remain intact; your hands pry the hard shell off our hearts; the fruit of your presence ready to be eaten and shared with others. There is no nutrition when the shell isn’t touched, but its breaking ensures good health.
Tough Mudder events are hardcore 10-12 mile obstacle courses designed by British Special Forces to test your all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie.
Every obstacle course has a beginning and an end. Hence, there is the pressure of actually starting and actually finishing; through commitment and endurance those who successfully cross the finish line have more confidence to attack a harder course. So, celebration winds down and training begins. The journey is tougher, but the destination is sweeter.
Back in April 2010, I entered the Tough Love obstacle course. For every thirst and every need, you’ve satisfied me with your love. You designed this lifelong course by becoming the first to cross the finish line; you know this course inside-and-out and you’re always there to guide us and encourage our hearts to overcome; physically and mentally, you’ve been there- at the lowest points; the devil tried to engineer your course to death and destruction, but you would not fall into the potholes of temptation or the mudslides of doctrine; NO! you made a way for your people to follow you; the beauty of our courses is that it is precisely what it is meant to be! It is an OBSTACLE course- one without comforts and perfections, but nevertheless an obstacle with a finish line! I pray for more grace and mercy over my parents. I pray that they would see the finish line instead of the obstacles- that they will know you are God Emmanuel; do they know you are with them? I hope so. This journey is a test requiring all our heart, soul, and mind, and I learn from Him who has risen; death was not the finish line. Tough Love is a course where the journey is sweeter than the destination because You are with us.
Last night at 2:20 AM, I was thinking, “Why is my freezer so warm? Exactly, why is my ice cream melted?”
Google search response: DEFROST.
I jump out of bed, open the freezer, and precisely, there is a huge chunk of ice, snow composed in a massage blockade: the vents could not release its vibe. I took two empty beer bottles, and started breaking down its composition. Making progression, I find my next weapon. It’s a medium sized screwdriver. Instead of shaving the ice, I started to chip away at the ice releasing massive chunks of the problem. I felt stupid; I should’ve done this before. After a good night’s rest, I wake in the morning feeling breakthrough. I touch the container, and voila, the ice cream has indeed hardened.
Back in April 2010, you defrosted my heart- first taking away the big chunks of indifference, anger, and confusion about my true purpose. Since then, you’ve been chipping away, at any callousness or residue of SELF in similar fashion as before- that with love and kindness you lead me to repentance. You’ve defrosted my soul; I HATE WARM ICE CREAM!; you have stirred a passion and fire in my heart- I scream, not for ice cream, but for your Spirit and Truth to guide me as I release authority; it’s time to reveal the righteousness that has become established in me.
Tiptoe around a battlefield, and you might end up tipping over. Careful! There are mines. And Hell, you sure hope it’s not going to be yours because once it’s triggered, BAM!
The design of my flesh warring against Spirit and Truth led me to think about the following:
Mines in the battlefield scar the flesh, but Mines in the Mind impact my thoughts and shake the core of Spirit and Truth.
Mines in my mind have detonated, and they have left debris of the world’s lust and desires scattered in my brain; the mess is harder to clean up than Pixie Dust candy spilled on a carpet floor; figments of Screwtape’s recordings replay in my mind; he wants to steal, kill, and destroy me; he’s so menacing that each verb has its own purpose (yeah, they’re not just synonyms; they’re more like cinnamon to the throat; one would have to take a plunger to his esophagus because cinnamon is lethal.) Yet you’re still willing to clean me from the inside-out! You want to take my pride! You clear land mines away from my mind and heart. You know where the devil has planted them. You find them and show me. You say, “Look, you were about to get blown up; I am here for you”. You tell me to read your Word, and plant your actions in my life; you give me authority to create a different atmosphere. Is the land mine still there? Is the issue completely resolved? I need to pray consistently. You truly are my Savior.