Child

“New Revelation”, “Give him a fresh anointing of new revelation”, said Pastor Sam as I stood in his grasp and stood at the mercy of the Cross. Hence, here’s the revelation that I received tonight; it’s more than food for thought – it’s a means to pierce more light into my complicated heart.

A child has a child-like heart because he or she is not able to comprehend any vastness of problems that older generation people carry as baggage. 

I am undocumented, my family’s reported annual income is roughly $20,000, and my parents live separately. Or at least I’ve told my friends that “my dad lives closer to work”.

After fellowship, I come home and gradually anger and impatience brews and spills from each one of us; I literally stand as a bumper between my mom and dad; they aren’t going to violate each other within 12 feet. They use my defense as a leverage to yell and sulk from different rooms. My mom’s heart break tonight culminated in something that she has never done and something I have never known.

She emphatically hands me divorce papers (at which this point I have a clearer view to the document than using a PDF’s zoom-in function). However, the papers are in Korean. “This is my lucky break”, I thought to myself. “She might just be using this as a gimmick to illustrate that she is frustrated. I let this thought pour into my fifteen minute nap moments later.

As my dad and I finish our yogurt parfaits at McDonalds, I repeat my thought (he’s probably stunned from the first question).

“Mom showed me divorce papers”.

“Yeah, that. When your mom and I first came from Korea (20 years back), we filed for divorce. But we figured that we needed green cards, so we went back to the consulate to get remarried. So as of now, we’re legally separated in Korea, but technically are seen as one by this state.”

I tried scraping any last figment of yogurt out of the cup; as my heart broke, I wanted to be a child. At that moment, I wanted to let go of the last 20 years and re-authenticate my heart to the size and innocence that I held within my three feet body.

Here I am at home where for the last two hours I’ve tried re-establishing the child in me when I look at my mom- that when I speak to her, its in my very tone, expressions, and actions that can build Heaven over our relationship.

Lord,

My heart is frail, but let it be so frail that I become the child that knows nothing circumstantial, but knows everything eternal- that in the midst of a hell-wrecked family, I would become the child that enters a crevice of the Holy Huddle- that Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit have drawn up the perfect play- for me to love like a child once again.

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Martin Luther King Jr.’s Day takes on a different form of celebration. Doesn’t it? In certain respects, the day gets people more sobered than on Christmas Day. The anecdote of Christ two thousand years ago, if He is registered into our thoughts only on that day, seem less transparent to some of us than King’s heroics. While basking on King’s endeavors, it seemed relevant to write a perspective (taken as an excerpt from my law school personal statements) on God’s cry for justice in this world.

On my current Google Chrome page, I have multiple tabs that highlight either direction of moral compass. One tab shows an article of “Pvt. Danny Chen, 1992–2011” and the atrocities of an unfortunate outcome- that “He was 19 years old, a scrawny six-four, and wanted nothing more than to join the Army. Just like so many other young men. But very few from Chinatown.” Being humiliated and harassed daily for a six week period, he ended his life one morning. The article ends with the sorrows expressed from his mother. She says, “I’d rather go with him”.

A different tab rests on the “CNN Freedom Project” page. This page highlights that through faith and action, today’s generation of 18-25 year olds can help end modern day slavery. More importantly, everyone can join the movement reinforced by Dr. King Jr. fifty years ago. He cautions that there will be dark days ahead of us, but reminds us the big picture: “Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.”  Private Danny Chen’s mother’s statement can be a seen in a different light- that she wants to be with Danny where racial slurs become encouragements, cultural differences become shared experiences, and fists become handshakes.

Aristotle says that the primary purpose of law is to cultivate the habits that lead to good character. According to my life experiences, it would be hard to characterize my wants and needs more efficiently than Aristotle’s insight. To bend the arc of the moral universe, I need a legal education to become a blacksmith; society, when refined with proper sculpting can bend towards justice.

 

 

Hell, I’m insecure.

I’m scratching my head for any bits of wisdom; I’m having a hard time deciding on what to reflect on- Honestly, it’s because I’m feeling insecure.

I can talk about the unrelenting grace of Jesus Christ or the irony of studying seven hour days but receiving a 143 on my LSAT. I can talk about Grahams crackers or Miller Genuine Draft. I can talk about my thoughts about living in Seattle for the foreseeable 3-4 months to obtain residency so that I can finally show the police a tangible driver’s license. I can talk about my sluggish days so far during this New Year or I can talk about the hope that lives in me.

Lord,

I know that bumping Jason Upton on Spotify doesn’t account for sincere worship or that exploring Jesus  by watching movies does anything concrete to give you praise and glory. I find my days deteriorating because I’m not finding ways to serve you. I feel justified to live up to this remark: “Woe is me, for life brings challenges”. But truly- woe is me because I am not in constant worship- that my Father in Heaven deserves my spirit to be renewed in His mighty name. I will take the next 15 minutes to pray on my knees- not for you to hear my groans about the things that afflict my heart, but for you to receive praise from my lips. I’ve got 99 problems, but prayer ain’t one. Hell, I’m insecure, but Heaven keep me this way- I need to learn to yearn after His glory, not for things that will die temporarily, but for my soul to count His blessings- that in every hour, He wants all of me and in His graciousness, He accepts all of me.