Insecure Commitment

These days, my life has been structured in 35 minute intervals.

Studying for the LSAT might resonate with chemotherapy. The beginning is tough; I need to acquire the proper test taking skills and constantly struggle with every pill (problem) to start making it the norm. But then I begin to vomit and visibly see a dark orange urine flow out; toxins are coming out of the human body, and I start feeling very vulnerable asking myself, “Can I really make it through?” I sometimes see almost half of my answers marked incorrectly, and tell myself it really isn’t easy. After a few minutes of contemplation, I recollect good thoughts such as “Hey, look at the answers I did get right and build upon that”. Then with a deep breath, I clock the next 35 minutes.

Some processes build character; there is no true commitment to tasks and goals that are easy. Commitment comes with insecurity, but repetition and sincerity makes the journey smoother. I look at the end of the tunnel not to seek a setting sunset, but to see a sunrise. And that is precisely what I visualize when I study for the LSAT; without Christ there is no sunrise, but only the tunnel.

Lord,

I study with the anticipation to participate in your kingdom- that every problem I read, answer, and bubble will give you glory. Knowing that I am not smart, I try to swim even when the tide comes in only because you are there to guide me. I have seven weeks until I take the test, but regardless of how I do, You deserve all praise. 


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